My cheek stings. Tears are free flowing. I hear a knock on my door as I’m trying to stifle my sobs with my pillow. It’s my mom. I am in my teen years. I put a hand on my sore cheek and say I’m sorry. My mom’s eyes are tender and she hugs me… A few minutes ago, my mom slapped me for the first time. As corrections go, you can’t get more memorable than that – at least not for me. It was a misunderstanding. We were having a heated argument. She thought she heard me say a bad word towards her. I honestly didn’t. I’ve forgotten what the argument was about but I remember well the lesson my mom was teaching me. I can disagree with her but not disrespect her. As I said, it was a misunderstanding. But, I still learned my lesson.
James Stenson in his book, “Lifeline”, speaks about memorable correction. In three areas, he says parents must come down with full force and never leave the matter uncorrected. First, when your children disrespect you. Second, when your children disobey you. Third, when they deliberately lie to you. Stenson explains that if our children lose their respect for us, we won’t be able to effectively teach lessons of right and wrong. I would have to add, we wouldn’t be able to teach them anything at all. Of course, Stenson coats this idea of memorable correction with the premise that the parents themselves respect their children and their children’s rights as well (e.g., having clear rules and consequences laid out, believing your child is innocent until proven otherwise).
A few weeks ago, my children and I were having our nightly routine of cleaning up the toys. My son decided that he would not help. Keeping my cool, I told him that if he did not help then he would not be reading with his sister and me. He wouldn’t have the nighttime snack either. I gave him a few more chances to help out while there were still quite a few toys to put away. He gave me a flat out no. Call it mother’s intuition but I had a feeling he would try to help at the very last minute so that he could read and snack with us. And, just as I had thought, when the last 2 or 3 toys were left he decided he wanted to help. Of course, in justice to his sister I told him no. He had his chance. Immediately, he wailed the way only a 3 year old can wail. I knew then that he understood. To follow through with the consequence, my daughter and I read our usual bedtime stories. My son continued to cry loudly. In my mind, I was racking my brain to find a way that he can make up for what he did. I wanted him to learn that he made a mistake by not obeying mommy and helping his sister but I also wanted to show him that you can and should make amends. I was saved by his little sister. During snack time, my daughter went and shared her snack with him. This quieted him and gave him a chance to say sorry. I hugged him and told him that tomorrow he can try to do better for mommy and his sister.
The next night, I was busy washing the dishes when I heard my son singing happily, “Clean up, clean up, everybody do your share… clean up, clean up, everybody show you care.”
If needed, what type of memorable correction could work for your child/ren?
If you have given a memorable correction, was it proportionate to the mistake done?
Do your child/ren have a clear picture of what is expected of them (including the consequences) at home and other social settings?
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